I was on girls vacation with my daughter, when one night she was crying uncontrollably on the couch. I asked what was wrong and she didn’t want to talk about it. So, I provided her some space to let it out before I tried again.
She eventually told me that her boyfriend and one of her friends had betrayed her trust. There were some inappropriate texts that were sent. She was devastated, as this was her first boyfriend. Luckily, my niece who is in her 20’s was there to help console her and we all talked through it.
My daughter went back and forth on whether she wanted to break up with her boyfriend and what she was going to do. It was a rough couple of days, to say the least. I didn’t want to ruin her vacation so I left it alone and didn’t talk much about it. I wanted her to make the right decision herself.
She made the decision to continue to date this young man. Well, I was not very pleased with her decision. However, I was not going to forbid her to see him, but I was not going to condone their relationship either.
Since this boy lived 45 minutes away in a different town, I was the sole transportation in the relationship. I informed her that if she was not going to respect herself enough to end the toxic relationship with this kid, I was forced to look out for her well being. He was not allowed in our home and he was not allowed in our vehicle.
I explained to her that anyone that would disrespect her like that was not worth holding on to. If someone cares for you then they do not do things that they know will hurt you. I also explained to her that if her best friend wasn’t there at the time of the text exchange she would probably not have know about the situation. So, how is she able to trust him now? Not to mention with them only seeing each other once a week who knows what he is doing with girls in his own town and/or school.
I went on to tell her she was a beautiful, smart and funny person. There was no reason why she needed to stay in a relationship with some one who is not going to respect her or treat her the way she deserved to be treated.
I explained that when your first love ends it always hurts. I told her that this is not going to be the last time a boy makes her cry. However, how she handles this situation is a basis of how she is going to allow future relationships to go. If she allowed this incident to slide whose to say it won’t happen again or something worse?
I explained that even though this was a high school relationship, she shouldn’t allow anyone to treat her poorly. She deserved to be treated with respect, dignity and kindness. I left the decision up to her, I was not going to forbid her to see him, but I couldn’t endorse the relationship either.
There was a lot of hugging, crying and reassuring. She went to her room and closed the door. A few hours later she came into my room with tears in her eyes and informed me she had ended the relationship. I was so proud of her for standing up for herself and respecting herself enough to make the touch decision. There was more crying and hugging, but in the end she understood that didn’t deserve to be treated that way and that she needed to demand respect.
I am sure this is not the last broken heart that we will need to mend, but at least now she has the self esteem and knowledge, to handle future situations.