I don’t care if it is wrong or if I am considered sexist or any other name you want to label me, I treat my daughter very different than I treat my son. I heard a saying once that has stuck with me- have a boy and worry about one penis or have a girl and worry about all the penises.. Before I had my kids I didn’t realize how true that statement was. Think back to when you were in high school, life basically revolved around people of the opposite sex. Almost every decision from the shirt you chose to wear to the club you wanted to join, was all based on what people of the opposite sex would think of your decision.
Now that I have a daughter, who is in high school, this terrifies me. She has boyfriends now, wears make up and goes places without parental supervision. I know people think that I am overprotective with her and that some day she may rebel, if I don’t loosen the apron strings. However, I cannot live my life for some thing that may happen in the future. I need to worry about what is going to happen when I am in the other room and she is sitting on the couch with her boyfriend.
Right now my goal in life is to keep my daughter pure until she is emotionally ready to handle sex. With teenage girls break ups lead to crying and self esteem issues. It can devastate them emotionally for a very long time. I know that boys have emotions too and can also be effected by break ups, but the emotional scarring is not as severe.
I am not delusional and I don’t think that my daughter is going to wait until marriage to have sex, but I don’t want it to happen until she is ready. I don’t want her to feel pressured into making a decision that will effect all of her future relationships. So, to help easy some of that pressure I have made a few rules to make alone time with boys nearly impossible.
First of all, she is not allowed to go to a boys house ever. If a boy wants to date my daughter or hang out with her, then he will do it at my house. If they do go out on a date, then I will drive her and pick her up. I know this one is going to be tricky once she is able to drive on her own, but I have at least a year before that happens. Well lit and heavily populated areas are where dates take place. She will not be going to the movies with her boyfriend for a very long time. If I do allow a movie date I will be sitting in the same row so I can see hands at all times! Dinner or mini golf are good options, but no thee will be no long strolls in the woods.
My son hasn’t really started dating but I know that we are going to be more lax with the rules. Like I said in the beginning, I only have to worry about his penis. He will be allowed to go to his girlfriend’s house because it is the girlfriend’s parent’s responsibility to ensure their daughter has good values. Now I am not saying that I want my son to have sex any time soon or that I want him to be a man whore. However, I am not worried about him getting pressured into doing anything he is not ready to do. Whether it is sexist or not, the majority of the time it is the teenage boy that wants to have sex first.
It is my responsibility as a mother of a boy to teach him to be respectful and courteous. I teach him it is not right to force anyone to do something they don’t want to do ever! He understands what appropriate behavior is and how to be respectful to people in general.
How are children act and respond to different situations is directly correlated to what we have taught them. If you teach your children to be respectful to people and to be kind to others, that is how they will behave in relationships. I have taught both of my children to have strong opinions, to stand up for themselves and to be their own person. So, they are able to discuss their feelings and stand up for things they believe strongly about.
The values I have instilled in my children is helping them to build healthy relationship with not only their significant others, but relationships with all kinds of people. I have taught both of my children to think for themselves and not to go along with the crowd, but to have opinions of their own.
I know the day will come when my daughter will walk out the door, get into her own car and drive to her boyfriend’s house. I just hope that I have given her the skills to know when she is ready to take it to the next level. I have helped to build her self-esteem and self confidence to be able to tell her boyfriend she is not ready and stick with that decision until they are both ready.
When dealing with high school romance and relationships I have to teach my son about how girls think and why they act certain ways. I also have to teach my daughter how boys think and how they act in certain situations. It is my role as a mother to a daughter to teach her to have self respect, strong opinions and self worth. However, as a mother of a boy it is responsibility to teach my son how to be respectful, honest and be kind.
How do you deal with your teenager dating? What rules do you have in place?