Sorry, my friends, I didn’t post a throw back Thursday yesterday. It was a busy day and I had posted two other blogs, so just didn’t get to this.
For this week’s oldie but goodie, I would like to tell you the story of how I almost burnt my house down with a torch.
If you follow my on Facebook you know that I have a wood stove, that I am not very good at lighting. Every time I try to light that damn thing it takes me like to fucking hours! It is the most ridiculous thing. I have tried everything, the stacking method, the tepee method, burning paper, burning cardboard and kindling. Nothing works! It is like the damn wood stove turns me in to brainless idiot.
One day I was home alone working and we were using the wood stove that day. I had forgotten about the fire and it had burn out! UGH! Great idiot has to come out and play so I can try to start this damn thing. Well, after what seemed like 5 hours (probably like a 1/2 hour) I am ready to start smashing shit.
I decide I am going to use the small propane torch that my husband uses to light the fire sometimes. He makes it look so easy, turn the knob light the fuel and stick it slightly into the wood stove and light a piece of wood. Yeah I know it sounds real smart when I say it now!
I turn on the torch and light the fuel just like I have seen hubby do a thousand times. So, I am holding it against the wood and I am waiting. I start to see some flames and I am feeling great. Oh yeah I am a professional fire starter!!!
Part of that was true, I was definitely a fire starter, but it wasn’t the wood that got lit. The damn torch was on fire! I panicked, I didn’t know what the hell to do! I am not good in emergency situations! Yeah I am the girl that is in the room screaming her head off and pulling her hair out!
So, I decide I am going to take the torch to the sink and put water on it! Yeah another brilliant idea I had. I throw it in to the stove, because at this point it is burning my damn hand. Well, I miss the sink and it starts rolling down my counter hitting the wall. HOLY SHIT! I pick it up again and the fire is getting bigger on the torch. I am really freaking out now. Ding, Ding! I will take it outside!
Yeah sounds like a good idea, but NOPE, another stupid idea. I have the torch in my right hand and I am trying to open the door to get outside and I am paying attention to the door and I tilt the torch. Of course I am freaking out so bad I can’t figure out how to open the damn door! Well the fire touches my hair and I can feel it go up in smoke (like when you were a kid and you use to burn the fuzzes off your socks). I heard that sound and instantly started to cry!
Now I am hyperventilating almost. I am thinking, I am going to be fucking bald! I am going to have no hair and I have an ugly head! It is going to have patches of burnt scalp and I am going to end up the burn unit!
I finally get the door open and I walk to the bottom of the stairs and there is another damn door! At this point I have the torch in my left hand, I am not sure how that happened but I just had to get it out! I push open the door and throw the stupid thing right into the snow! Thank goodness it was winter!
I sit there in the snow for a minute and try to compose myself. I am crying hysterically at this point and I am just sitting in the snow looking at the torch. I get up and walk into the house after about five minutes. At this point my hands are on fire! They were all red and I knew I was in trouble, but my first thought was my hair. I was afraid to look in the mirror. So, I did what any sane person would do and stuck my head in the bathtub and ran water through it. There were strains of hair falling out. I could see them at the bottom of the tub and they were getting stuck in my fingers. The whole time I am sobbing and muttering to myself.
I was still afraid to look in the mirror. So, I called my husband, I was hysterical crying and I couldn’t even speak. He kept trying to get me to calm down, but he was at work (on a roof). He told me to calm down and call him back and hung up. Which upset me even more, so I am bawling like a baby and running my fingers through my hair.
I sit down and I have my hands in a bowl of ice water and they are still burning. My kids were going to be home soon and I couldn’t let them see me like this. Even though I had no idea what I looked like because I still had not looked in the mirror. Okay what was I going to do? I had to compose myself before the kids got home in like 15 minutes.
I decide to call a friend of mine, who’s son was coming over after school and I wanted to warn her of what he might see. I told her what happened and she offered to leave early and bring me to the hospital. I told her no, I was fine. I didn’t want her to leave early! I was just being over dramatic and needed to suck it up! It hurt, but I was going to be fine. I hang up and I call my husband and I am finally able to explain to him what had happened.. After he finds out I am okay, he calls me a moron and asked what the hell I was thinking using the torch. Then he said so matter of fact, why didn’t you just shut the torch off? WHAT! Oh my, what the hell, why the hell hadn’t I thought of that! I told you, I am not good in critical situations!
Mean while, my hands are getting worse. I can’t keep them out of the ice water for more than two seconds without them burning. So, swallowed my pride and called my friend back and ask her to take me to the hospital. What a good friend, leaving work early! Not to mention she probably thought I was dying the way I was acting.
The kids get home and I have stopped crying and I am sitting at my counter with my hands in a bowl of ice water. I explain to them as calm as I could and asked them not to panic. I told them I was alright, but I needed to go to the hospital. I explained to the kid’s friend that his mom was coming to drive all of us to the hospital.
The kids convinced me to look in the mirror and I did. I was so shocked at what I saw, HAIR! Yes! I had hair. I had lost some hair, but I was not bald and there was no patches. There was definitely some singed hair in places, but nothing noticeable at all after washing it!
I was so thankful! I couldn’t believe it! I was never so happy in all my life!
My friend arrives and I grab a big ice pack from my freezer and we take off to the hospital. My hands are burning so bad. I keep smooshing them into the ice pack searching for some kind of relief. It just wasn’t coming. We decide that I can’t wait to get to the hospital which was like 35 minutes away. We decide to go to urgent care instead which is probably about 10 minutes closer (yes we chose to live here).
We are driving and I am trying not to cry in front of the kids, but the ice pack is not working anymore and the pain is getting worse. Then the song Burning House, by Cam comes on!!! Seriously! Way to pour salt on the wound Mr. DJ. I love that song, by the way and would have loved hearing it at any other time.
We finally arrive at urgent care and I run out of the car and stick both of my hands in the snow. They were so red and I was shaking. I walked into the clinic and the woman behind the desk saw my hands and didn’t even check me in she escorted me right back to an exam room. A nurse came running in with some liquid to help stop the burning. She pour it all over my hands and instantly the pain was gone. I was thanking this woman every five minutes. I was so happy I wanted to hug her!
You think this is where the story ends, no, no it’s not. There was a nurse in training and they asked if I would mind if the trainee wrapped my hands. Of course I said yes, they just saved me! Well, that was another mistake I made that day! She ended up wrapping both of my hands up like a mummy. Each individual finger was wrapped like a sausage. The bandages were so thick I couldn’t even bend my fingers. I couldn’t open doors I couldn’t hold my phone! It was terrible. The way she wrapped them you would have thought I had 3rd degree burns and missing skin on both of my hands! I was devastated! How was I going to work? I talk on the phone and type pretty much all day. I didn’t want to be out of work for this! UGH!
I wish I had pictures of these bandages because it would be hilarious to look at now. I get home and I get ridiculed by my husband and his friend almost all night. The next day I unwrap my hands so I can put my medicine on and I notice that the only parts of my left hand that were burnt was my index finger and a little on my thumb. The right hand had some burning on the thumb. So, yeah I lived with out hands for 24 hours for no reason. I re-bandaged my two fingers and I went back to work!
Today about 4 years later I barely have any scarring at all. I will tell you what though, I have never touched that damn torch again! I even see a torch and I back up! We don’t use them to light the wood stove anymore either!