Back To School-Morning Routine

1. Set your alarm for 20 minutes before you want to get up (do night before)

2. Hit snooze

3. Hit snooze again

4. Swear at your alarm a few times

5. Shut the damn alarm off

6. Go to the bathroom

7. Dray your ass to the kitchen

8. Start a pot of coffee

9. Go to your kid’s rooms and tell them to get up

10. Go back to the kitchen and pour a cup of coffee

11. Set out the bowls, spoons and cereal

12. Go back to your kid’s rooms and threaten an early bedtime to night if they don’t get up

13. Threaten to pour ice water over your son’s head if he doesn’t get up rightnow

14. Ensure your kids eat their vitamins-after listening to how gross they are

15. Put your hair in a messy bun

16. Put breakfast dishes in the sink-they’ll get washed later

17. Make your kids’ lunches

18. Tell your kids to brush their teeth

19. Ask to smell their breathes to ensure they brushed their teeth

20. Send them back to the bathroom to really brush them this time

21. Help do your daughter’s hair

22. Remind the kids to put their homework in their backpack

23. Remind the kids to grab their lunches

24. Feed your dog/cat

25. Throw on some yoga pants and a hoodie

26. Tell the kids to get outside and wait for the bus

27. Run after your son with his lunch

28. Scream I love you out the window as the bus approaches

29. Wave goodbye vigorously as they get on the bus

30. Notice that your daughter forgot her fucking homework!

31. Wait 5 minutes to ensure you don’t get stuck behind the bus

32. Drive to the school

33. Wait in the lobby as they try to find your kid for 15 minutes

34. Give your daughter the WTF smile as she is walking down the hallway

35. Drive home

36. Get a call from you son on the way home asking if he can ride the bus home with his friend

37. Call the school and wait on hold for the entire ride home

38. Let the school know that your son is riding a different bus home

39. Let the dog out

40. Heat up your cold coffee

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