What are Friends?

I moved around a lot as a child and went to many different elementary and high schools. I was always very quiet and kind of nerdy. So, making friends has always been really difficult for me. I have been burned several times and I find it difficult to open myself up to others.

I keep seeing sayings, quotes and pictures all over the internet and Facebook about how important it is to have friends. I agree I think it is very important. It is nice to have someone to talk to when you are having a bad day or someone to go shopping with that will give you an honest opinion. It is nice to go to the movies our out to brunch. All of these things are great and people deserve these kinds of relationships.

I don’t really have this in my life. There is one person that I hang out with on a regular basis. We watch movies at her house; we have gone shopping, to the movies and even to brunch. It is a new friendship and I am trying to put the effort in so it will continue to flourish. We struggle sometimes finding things to talk about because she doesn’t have any children and basically my life for the last 14 years has been kids. I don’t really have any hobbies except of course this blog, but that again is about raising teenagers. Don’t get me wrong she is great and we have fun, I just worry that she is going to get bored of my always talking about my kids or my husband.

Besides my new friend, there are any others that I spend time with on a regular basis. I joined a few committees and organizations in town since I moved her about 5 years ago, to try to meet people. You know how people always say to get involved to meet people. Well, I did. I did meet some great people, but it is hard when you are new to a town. It is almost like being a kid again. Everyone already has their clique of friends and don’t really have time or energy to let anyone else in. A couple of woman that I have me through these groups are great and we get along wonderfully, but everyone is so busy. Their children are a lot younger than mine so their time is consumed by their kids (understandably so). We talk on the phone occasionally, chat on Facebook and even got together for a holiday sock exchange, which was really fun! That is where it pretty much stays.

Another issue I have found is that a lot of woman that I come in contact with on a regular basis like to do couple things with their husbands, which again is great. However, my husband is extremely busy and we don’t really get a lot of time to spend together. He also has a very strong personality, which turns people off. So, couples “dates” are not for me either.

Another big social aspect of friends is going out for drinks. People say that a lot, let’s grab a drink or we need to go out for drinks sometime. I don’t drink. I don’t like to drink and I am not a big bar person. So, I guess I am boring because no one wants to just sit around at my house staring at each other!

I also find that the people I do meet where I live have very different views on life. I keep a lot of my personal views inside because I don’t want to lose the friends that I have. So, a lot of times I don’t speak my mind or I keep my opinions to myself. Which I know is not healthy, but I think I just remember when I was a child and how desperately I wanted people to like me. So, I would change who I was just so people would be my friend.

I am just at a loss of where to find friends that have teen age children, husbands that work all the time and have no hobbies! Maybe I am too picky! I don’t know. I went to a sewing class with my daughter and there were a few women there, but no budding friendships! I guess I just don’t know how to be a friend because I have never really been one.

I know people will think that I am whining or being too picky. That really isn’t the case. I just don’t know how to make friends. I mean do I text one of my acquaintances and say hey you want to come over by yourself without your husband and children and have some coffee? I mean my kids don’t want to entertain kid’s that are younger than them and no one wants to bring their husband’s if there is no one for them to talk to.

I will say that I am too picky when it comes to trying to find hobbies. I don’t really like doing physical activities, so yoga or Zumba is out. Plus, let’s face it I am not going to go by myself! I am not athletic at all or very crafty! I like to read sometimes, but only if it is something I want to read. I write, but I am no professional. I hate shopping and I am definitely not a girly girl. I am not into girl movies and I don’t see the point in getting my nails done. I get my hair done once a year usually and I work from home.

So, if you know anyone who is interested in sitting around not doing anything, but drinking coffee and making fun of their children, send them my way! Please provide me any suggestions on how you think I could meet people and make some real adult friends


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